People who are of the opinion that having an extra marital relationship can save their marriage, it is quite surprising that how can such an affair improve your marriage.
Does it pay to betray the partner; this is a myth or may be self-satisfying to believe in such theories. Affair can really do these three things:
- One, it can totally destroy your marriage.
- Two, it can result in continuing your marriage even though the relationships are no more cordial and are damaged.
- Three, it can be a wakeup call for you so that you can take corrective steps.
Using the affair as a push you need to make things better. Again as said earlier that having an extra marital relationship can boost your married life, it is a myth and a big no. This is a destructive choice to make, the one who loves the spouse will think twice before getting involved in an affair.
But even if such thing happens, one must have capability to handle the situation in a matured way and stop doing anything which can have disastrous effect on the married life. There can be pain, distress, embarrassment, and you will have to face the difficult questions. In such situations the entire atmosphere will be highly tense.
As time is the big healer, by the passage of time the dust will get settled down and you both can decide something constructive to save the relations. You will have to decide whether to continue with your affair or simply spoil the married life which has taken years of your hard work to build.
If you decide to save the marriage, you must understand it is really a brave decision, you will have to do lot of hard work. You need to have a strong will to rebuild the relation that too step by step.
Do not rush, be patient, decisions taken in haste will have faulty and weak foundation. Make no mistakes, affairs and vulnerability that comes can show what is really important.
It is really common to fool ourselves that we take relations for granted and think even if neglect the people who are close to us will not feel bad.
It is very common with our spouses as we think we are married to each other everything should be fine. When an affair takes place, this assumption has no meaning and is no longer possible. The situation changes and the things you thought were good no longer remain the same.
So here you have two options, you can continue to ignore the situation and hope that all is well, you can also assume that you may revisit these issues later. Or you can simply shine a light on these things even if it is painful and make everlasting changes that will ensure that you do not have to limp along.
The affair which has taken place could be a momentary happening which overshadows your married life which has taken many years to build. You will have to sit together, discuss, though it is not that easy but this is a better alternative.
No one would like to break up the relationship with the person whom they love most; even just a threat could have a deterrent effect. You will have to really open your heart and discuss it.
Consider the story about love and betrayal below.
Jim thought that the time of sixteen years of his married life actually meant something but it was otherwise as he was not happy. It was a shock of his life when he found that his wife had an affair with a guy who was her school mate.
He was finding it difficult but on the whole he was of the opinion that he had a good time. He had no idea how to move ahead as his mind was full of negatives.
Jim is not the only one in this world; there are many Jims in this world who are facing the same problem. But this too is a fact that even it is so bad, one needs to control his thought after such an encounter.
It is oblivious that if someone comes to know about the affair of the partner, it is just like a hard blow and at times it can be worse. People think that their married life is running smoothly but they do not realize that they are in fact facing betrayal.
Once such an adultery comes to light, one becomes crazy and can do anything and probably do not have control over their action. One has to be in extreme control of his thoughts otherwise the life becomes wreck. One is always plagued with thoughts, even you try hard such thoughts come to your mind again and again.
First let us understand why people cheat their partner. There could be many reasons like money, looks or a better job. There could be other reasons like you have invested more time in your children, parents and not given sufficient time to your spouse.
Negativity in your mind will get transformed into images and these images will continue to haunt you. These images will never allow you think in the right direction, you will have to work hard in getting these images removed from your mind; it will take time and will not happen overnight.
In such situations never expect any help from any one, nobody can help you, it only one person who can be great help to you and that is you. It is really unfortunate that you have to go through this pain and you are at the same time victim also.
You will have to control your thoughts, if you do not do so, these thoughts will dominate your personality and you will ruin your life without any fault of yours.
You will have to change and beat these thoughts, get involved in some activities which are of your interest. You can gain control on your negative thoughts by tracking your thoughts and identify the triggers, it is similar if you are into weight loss program, you will track your diet first.
Similarly once you track the thought and what triggers these thoughts, you can easily overcome negatives and turn it into positives. It may require lot of determination, but once you have complete control at least for some part of the day you will be free from these thoughts.
When a married woman discovers her husband’s extramarital affair, she feels that her life has been shattered beyond redemption. The pictures of her husband’s disloyalty keep on haunting her and however much she tries she cannot erase from her mind those images and begins to wonder how she could get control over these thoughts.
This situation is fairly common in married couple these days. This factor alone comes in the way of being able to take such upheavals in one’s stride and move on restoring happiness ultimately in her life and being bogged down and continue to suffer terrible pain.
Most of the time the unhappy woman does not want those images of her husband and the other woman to trouble her and however, she does not seem to know how to forget everything and move forward restoring normalcy in her life.
Here are a few tips that may help distraught women to get control over unpleasant thoughts and pictures so that they can erase from their minds permanently.
It’s normal to see these images in your mind.
Any distressed woman under such circumstances should first understand that visualizing these images are perfectly natural, though they are not really accurate.
An affected woman often wonders what exactly is wrong with her, why these thoughts are troubling her again and again and why is she punishing herself because of those images. The answer to these questions is that there is nothing wrong with her and that this sort of feelings is due to an attempt to fill gaps of what she does not know.
Even after the husband confesses about his affair, the wife is not sure whether he is really telling the truth. The wife becomes eager to know why her husband had strayed away from her and developed an affair with someone else. Sometimes she even develops certain doubts in her mind whether her husband really liked her company and the marital life with her.
As a woman affected by her husband’s affair with another woman cannot have answers to all her doubts, she herself begins to form several images in her mind. Most of these pictures are exaggerations and are not likely to be accurate.
A woman may visualize her husband communicating with the other woman in a particular manner, which might not have really occurred. These are the ones which would hurt her most.
Do not let the images to get the better of you.
It, therefore, follows that the anguished woman should not allow those images to overwhelm her. Whether these pictures are accurate or not, they are still painful and unless the affected wife gets control over them they continue to trouble her.
The best way to overcome this ‘devastating cycle’ in which images keep on troubling is to change her response to them. In other words, the wife can correlate those images to something more optimistic.
If this approach is adopted, it is easier to leave all unpleasant images behind and move forward to regain happiness.
Keep yourself busy.
Do something different to drive away those images from the mind. When such unfortunate incidents occur in a woman’s life, it is necessary to break the tormenting cycle and divert her mind on something different.
She should go for a walk, talk to friends or read books or cultivate some other hobby. This way those images would have less impact on her and she will no longer live in constant fear of seeing those images.
She will soon realize that once she gets control over those thoughts of the other woman with whom her husband is found to have an affair she will not experience any more agony and will move forward towards a more enjoyable future.
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