By Dr. Frank Gunzburg Review

Communication is an attempt to convey information. The word, ‘communication’ is originated from the Latin word ‘communis’, which means ‘to share’.

Proper communication is very important in any marital relationship or relationship between two lovers. When there is an open, unadulterated and carefully nurtured communication between couple, it will contribute to a remarkable and healthy relationship.

Matters of mutual worries or anxieties will be known to both the partners and both of them will sit together and resolve issues concerning them. When there is an effective communication between couples all thorny issues affecting them will be thoroughly discussed and solutions found. Individual requirements are properly discussed and all plans are jointly developed.

Excellent communication is a key to maintaining and strengthening relationships between couple. Needless to mention, poor communication can mar a relationship, sometimes, even beyond redemption.

Here are a few tips that may be useful to correct an unpleasant situation caused by poor communication.

Understanding The Communication Process

Quite often written communication is most effective and free from conflicts or altercations as the person communicating will have the freedom to carefully select words for expressing his or her thoughts without getting influenced by the presence of the recipient. The recipient should also read the contents of the message carefully and grasp what the sender intends to convey through that message.

In this method, the thoughts are passed on from the sender to the recipient without the chance for the recipient to react immediately on the spur of the moment without thinking. In this process of communication between couple where no arguments are involved, the partner communicating should clearly express all thoughts, apprehensions and desires in writing.

This means that the partner is carrying out an evaluation of the other partner as well as their relationship. Likewise, the partner should follow the same procedure. The written communication between partners should take place in separate rooms or places.

The next step is to exchange the notes and read them separately. Both the partners should agree not to discuss the issues till the bitterness between them is fully eliminated and they are in proper frame of mind and relaxed state to discuss all the issues that have soured their relationship. This may take several hours, days or even a couple of weeks or more.

Both the partners should be sober without the influence of alcohol in order to ensure fruitful discussions.

Assessment Of Your Relationship

For comprehensive evaluation of the partner’s written communication, it is necessary to list out all possible areas that one wishes to look into. Either the list can be prepared in consultation with the partner without any discussion or generate the list by the concerned partner separately.

The list might comprise outlook, social and monetary aspects, appearance, areas of differences, sex- related issues, shouldering responsibilities and desires. One can appraise by a method of rating each factor. The gradation can be categorized as excellent, good or average or needs improvement.

The appraisal should also include the appraiser’s desires, personal needs and thoughts for comparison purposes. The purpose of the partner’s communication process and its evaluation is to get an opportunity to assess how strong is the relationship and to provide the partner a feedback that both of them can utilize to strengthen their relationship. An assessment should be honest, considerate and unbiased.

Examining Each Other Appraisal

After each partner has completed an assessment of the other, it is time to exchange appraisal statements. In marital relationship, this is the best opportunity for the husband to be aware what his wife thinks about him on various aspects. Similarly, the wife will get an idea of the husband’s feelings towards her. There may be some criticisms from both sides.

Both the partners should have the courage to face criticisms and examine them objectively without being defensive. As these are real feelings, there cannot be any dispute on this. The actual viewpoints of the partner cannot be challenged.

What is important for the husband is to understand what his wife thinks of him on various aspects. This type of sharing of views and likes and dislikes and acting on that information is very important for clearing any misunderstanding between the couple and strengthening marital relationship.

The appraisal will also give an indication of the extent of love and affection between the couple. Meeting to discuss appraisals and resolve differences. The last phase in the communication process is for the partners to meet and discuss their evaluations.

The couple should discuss in calm and composed frame of mind. The meeting is very important for both the partners and is the most intense type of communication of the whole relationship. Both the partners should be free and frank in discussing all the issues stated in the appraisals. If a person wants the partner to show readiness to change, he or she should also be prepared to change.

Similarly if a person wants the partner to be receptive to his or her requirements, that person must be willing to accommodate the partner’s needs as well.

Communication is the key to the successful married life; this fact is known to the couples who have loving relationship throughout their married life. It is also a fact that good communication skill is the major factor which is responsible for building strong relationship which has warmth and love.

The most common complaint of the married couple is lack of proper communication. They always have a feeling that they are no longer heard, acknowledged and given the due importance by their partners. Whatever communication is left in such couples is full of sarcasm, and through antagonism, silence and full of negative attitudes.

There are various types of communication and the best communication is good communication. The communication should be right and should be able to give better understanding about their partners. If one understands the partner he/she is better acquainted with the one’s communicating techniques and also that of his partner, such communication which makes you understand your partner better, generally a better team work is expected.

The communication can be in many other forms apart from talking and listening. Some of the tips given below will help you to get best out of any relationship through good communication. Life is such that there are many times disagreement and conflicts; this is very common in married couples.

But arguments can be healthy, without pointing out your finger towards your partner you can achieve your point of view. Pointing fingers does not make relations strong but generate conflicts. Nobody in this world is perfect, all of us have some faults, but blaming it on others every time means raising a problem.

Before putting blame on your partner, it is important to re-evaluate your own actions and the way you communicate, chances are that it is you who is wrong and you have unnecessarily hurt your partner. It is a fact of life that accepting criticism is not that easy, nobody wants that to be labeled as wrong, but this too is a fact that communication is not about being right or wrong.

Communication is how you help each other to be more accommodative and considerate of one another’s point of view. This is very important to avoid any misunderstanding and conflicts; unfortunately it is an old game which is played even now by many couples.

In the present scenario it is no use to prove that one sex is more superior to other, winning in the communication is an art and once you stop it thinking that it is futile, the relation becomes weak. For building a healthy relationship, good communication has to be there, communication does not mean arguments, this is what exactly many couples do and fall apart.

Listening too is an art, like good communication leads to healthy relationship, listening also helps to make it stronger. Listening makes the person more enthusiastic and interesting in the communication of other person. Many things can be solved with simply communicating in a right manner.

It is always essential to listen to one’s partner, but at the same time efforts are required to make an emotional connection with your partner. One has to make a relationship which is sustainable, healthy and not complex. One has to be open and patient in communicating with each other, this will ensure that you have a strong bond with your partner.

Effective communication is very vital in every walk of life; more so in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship, though it is not easy at times. Many times, there will be skirmishes between couple for very minor reasons and they stop talking to each other. Sometimes both the couple will enter into a heated argument on some trivial issues.

If these negative trends between partners become a regular feature, it will cast a shadow on their relationship and frequent infighting and quarrels make their lives miserable. This situation will not only be agonizing and embarrassing but the relationship itself may be in jeopardy.

The silver lining is that people can change their communication styles if they want to strengthen the relationships rather than spoiling them. People have different ways of communicating. Our styles of communication may not be at times effectual as they are deep-seated, developed over several years and mostly from childhood learnt from our parents and others.

In communication, it is important how one conveys the message or information so that the other person easily understands and fulfills what the person communicating wants. If someone wants his or her partner to do something, here are a few communication options that might be effective.

Throwing Hints

Suppose there is some hesitation in asking her husband or partner directly what she wants, the woman can throw sufficient hints so that he understands and does what she wants him to do. However, the problem with this approach is that she may not be certain that the partner has understood what she tried to convey.

Either he may not understand or may pretend that he has not understood if he does not want to comply with her request. In other words, this approach may not be dependable to get the desired results.

Demanding

If someone wants that her partner should do something for her, the tone in which the request is conveyed is very important. If the tone is authoritative, the partner will refuse to oblige her. Suppose she persists with her demands and tries to convince him, he will oppose even more vehemently.

If she does not get what she wants, she blames her partner leading to a series of arguments and her partner may even withdraw from the scene. The woman might also brood over the matter and withdraw. Ultimately, both the partners would be angry with each other.

Manipulating

Browbeating and using other negative expressions in order to get what she wants will also not work. Some women will make the life of her partner miserable by upsetting him in different ways such as crying, threatening and so on.

The net result is that next time the partner would not like to bear all this undesirable and negative tactics of his partner and does what she wants without prolonging the issue. Men also often adopt these tactics. In any case, this will affect the relationship.

None of these techniques are successful styles of communication and in this example, if the wife does not get her requirements fulfilled by her husband, there will be growing bitterness between them. This animosity slowly builds up and eventually blows up out of proportion leading to possible breakup in relationship.

The Correct Approach

If the wife wants to get certain jobs done from her partner, the effective method of communicating her request is in a simple, polite and matured manner. She must be prepared to accept her partner’s sincere response without attributing any motives.

One should repose faith in the partner and conclude that the partner would certainly fulfill her needs if he is capable of doing so. The wife, on her part, should appreciate when he does the job. Constructive or encouraging communication methods are very effective in maintaining and strengthening a relationship that is filled with joy, mutual love and sense of fulfillment. In such a relationship, there is no place for mistrust and emotional outbursts.