By Dr. Frank Gunzburg Review

Communication is the key to the successful married life; this fact is known to the couples who have loving relationship throughout their married life. It is also a fact that good communication skill is the major factor which is responsible for building strong relationship which has warmth and love.

The most common complaint of the married couple is lack of proper communication. They always have a feeling that they are no longer heard, acknowledged and given the due importance by their partners. Whatever communication is left in such couples is full of sarcasm, and through antagonism, silence and full of negative attitudes.

There are various types of communication and the best communication is good communication. The communication should be right and should be able to give better understanding about their partners. If one understands the partner he/she is better acquainted with the one’s communicating techniques and also that of his partner, such communication which makes you understand your partner better, generally a better team work is expected.

The communication can be in many other forms apart from talking and listening. Some of the tips given below will help you to get best out of any relationship through good communication. Life is such that there are many times disagreement and conflicts; this is very common in married couples.

But arguments can be healthy, without pointing out your finger towards your partner you can achieve your point of view. Pointing fingers does not make relations strong but generate conflicts. Nobody in this world is perfect, all of us have some faults, but blaming it on others every time means raising a problem.

Before putting blame on your partner, it is important to re-evaluate your own actions and the way you communicate, chances are that it is you who is wrong and you have unnecessarily hurt your partner. It is a fact of life that accepting criticism is not that easy, nobody wants that to be labeled as wrong, but this too is a fact that communication is not about being right or wrong.

Communication is how you help each other to be more accommodative and considerate of one another’s point of view. This is very important to avoid any misunderstanding and conflicts; unfortunately it is an old game which is played even now by many couples.

In the present scenario it is no use to prove that one sex is more superior to other, winning in the communication is an art and once you stop it thinking that it is futile, the relation becomes weak. For building a healthy relationship, good communication has to be there, communication does not mean arguments, this is what exactly many couples do and fall apart.

Listening too is an art, like good communication leads to healthy relationship, listening also helps to make it stronger. Listening makes the person more enthusiastic and interesting in the communication of other person. Many things can be solved with simply communicating in a right manner.

It is always essential to listen to one’s partner, but at the same time efforts are required to make an emotional connection with your partner. One has to make a relationship which is sustainable, healthy and not complex. One has to be open and patient in communicating with each other, this will ensure that you have a strong bond with your partner.

Effective communication is very vital in every walk of life; more so in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship, though it is not easy at times. Many times, there will be skirmishes between couple for very minor reasons and they stop talking to each other. Sometimes both the couple will enter into a heated argument on some trivial issues.

If these negative trends between partners become a regular feature, it will cast a shadow on their relationship and frequent infighting and quarrels make their lives miserable. This situation will not only be agonizing and embarrassing but the relationship itself may be in jeopardy.

The silver lining is that people can change their communication styles if they want to strengthen the relationships rather than spoiling them. People have different ways of communicating. Our styles of communication may not be at times effectual as they are deep-seated, developed over several years and mostly from childhood learnt from our parents and others.

In communication, it is important how one conveys the message or information so that the other person easily understands and fulfills what the person communicating wants. If someone wants his or her partner to do something, here are a few communication options that might be effective.

Throwing Hints

Suppose there is some hesitation in asking her husband or partner directly what she wants, the woman can throw sufficient hints so that he understands and does what she wants him to do. However, the problem with this approach is that she may not be certain that the partner has understood what she tried to convey.

Either he may not understand or may pretend that he has not understood if he does not want to comply with her request. In other words, this approach may not be dependable to get the desired results.

Demanding

If someone wants that her partner should do something for her, the tone in which the request is conveyed is very important. If the tone is authoritative, the partner will refuse to oblige her. Suppose she persists with her demands and tries to convince him, he will oppose even more vehemently.

If she does not get what she wants, she blames her partner leading to a series of arguments and her partner may even withdraw from the scene. The woman might also brood over the matter and withdraw. Ultimately, both the partners would be angry with each other.

Manipulating

Browbeating and using other negative expressions in order to get what she wants will also not work. Some women will make the life of her partner miserable by upsetting him in different ways such as crying, threatening and so on.

The net result is that next time the partner would not like to bear all this undesirable and negative tactics of his partner and does what she wants without prolonging the issue. Men also often adopt these tactics. In any case, this will affect the relationship.

None of these techniques are successful styles of communication and in this example, if the wife does not get her requirements fulfilled by her husband, there will be growing bitterness between them. This animosity slowly builds up and eventually blows up out of proportion leading to possible breakup in relationship.

The Correct Approach

If the wife wants to get certain jobs done from her partner, the effective method of communicating her request is in a simple, polite and matured manner. She must be prepared to accept her partner’s sincere response without attributing any motives.

One should repose faith in the partner and conclude that the partner would certainly fulfill her needs if he is capable of doing so. The wife, on her part, should appreciate when he does the job. Constructive or encouraging communication methods are very effective in maintaining and strengthening a relationship that is filled with joy, mutual love and sense of fulfillment. In such a relationship, there is no place for mistrust and emotional outbursts.

Some marital relationships easily break because of lack of proper communications between the two partners. To overcome such problems, it is imperative that both the partners acquire enough skills for communications between them. Unless this is done, the relationships may not last long.

To maintain the romantic touch in relationships, some of the basic communication skills to develop are as follows.

1) Clarity of message.

Make sure again and again that your explanation what so ever is clear enough for your partner to understand in right terms. This can be practiced and improved by attempting to record the normal conversations you indulge in with your lover or friends and transcribing them later.

From this, you can analyze the deficiency in your communications and contribute better for improving the relationships. Most often we can find that our conversations are incomplete leaving many things for the partner to guess. This is generally a type of laziness that has engulfed on us.

Deficient communications also lead to several misunderstandings that may end up in disputes. Even among the couples, the ideas get wrongly perceived unless communication is very specific. It has to be borne in mind that your partner may be close to you, but the partner is never a mind reader to grasp everything that you leave half- said without clarity.

2) Specificity of information.

The apostles of success always say that even in the armed forces, the minds become active for operation when orders are clear and specific. This is likewise applicable in relationships too. If you are mongering for any specific favors from your partner, it is binding on you to communicate your needs to the partner with clarity.

Don’t leave the conversations with gaps, like saying “I want a special favor from you” without making obvious what you actually long for. For example, if you want to go for a picnic, make it clear the day you would like to start, the mode of transport, the places you like to visit, the motels you would prefer to stay and the items of delicious foods you would relish from the restaurants.

Instead of merely saying that we will go for picnic at this week end to an ideal sightseeing location and stay in a hotel that offers delicious foods. This is where the communications have to act with your thoughts and ideas and if you express your thoughts and ideas in the right manner, the relationships between the partners may sustain longer.

3) Honesty.

Honesty is an integral part of any well-knit relationship between the two partners. One has to be honest in communications, which can be attained by being honest to oneself. One should have enough self- knowledge on the way he thinks acts and communicates.

Be a dispassionate observer of your own mind, emotions and actions in your daily life. From this, you can develop a greater perspective and by doing so you can learn to become honest to yourself. By understanding oneself it is easy to understand others too.

Relationships thrive when honesty is blended with love and kindness. It is always easy to remain honest without hurting the feelings of the other partner. Marital relationships thrive without communication problems, if honesty is upheld as a value by the partners.