Normally every couple will try to be a perfect partner to each other. It starts out perfect, you both laugh together, love one another, had a special relationship and connection and share all good and bad times together.
As a natural course, both boy and girl get married. But after sometime, you got a shock of your life that your husband whom you adored so much has given you biggest pain of your life.
Your husband has cheated on you, being unfaithful and has extra marital relationship. Now once you have come to know about the infidelity, the entire trust vanishes and you think it is the end of your world.
Surviving an affair is not that easy as you have a big question in your mind, why did he do it to you? Is this the end of your marriage or is there still a chance for survival of the relationship?
The first instinct is to end the marriage and go for a divorce, but often this may not be the best solution, unless you find out that your husband is still in touch with the other woman.
Surviving an affair is only possible when your initial feelings have cooled down and you can think about the healing of the relationship with a clear mind. It is not a good idea to make decision when you are not in the correct state of mind.
You need some time to think because whatever you decide here will be life changing. So, never rush to make a decision.
It is highly recommended to share your feelings with someone who is unbiased about your marriage and the relationship, someone who is experienced and would stand by you at time when you are in deep crisis.
Talking to your family members will lead to hard feelings towards your husband and they would not likely to forgive him, despite the fact that your husband has admitted his mistake and might have apologize.
It would be a better idea to get help from a common friend as such a friend will never want to break up your marriage, thus offering you the right guidance.
This too is a fact that you have to make the decision along with your partner, you both will have to decide either to end the marriage or to save it.
Remember, deciding to end your marriage is a brave decision, but if your husband has seriously said sorry and is now repenting, it is better to forgive, provided you both still have feeling for each other.
Here are the 6 questions you must consider before you actually decide to save the relationship.
1. Is your husband ready to rebuild the marriage honestly?
2. Is the relationship with the other woman over?
3. Is the apology tendered by your husband genuine?
4. Have you discussed all the details about the affair and your marriage?
5. Have you overcome the emotional pain due to this bad episode of your life?
6. Will your decision affect the life of your children, if you have any?
You will need to spend some time to find the answers to these questions.
Many couples have rebuilt their relationship and are living happily thereafter. The first priority should be to save your marriage. Understandably, it is difficult, but not impossible.
If you need help to heal your marriage rocked by an affair of your husband, checkout the Marriage Fitness online course by Mort Fertel. The program is a revolutionary approach to solution marital challenges.
It is a possibility to have a very peaceful married life which is full of affection, fun, thrill and above all it is passionate also. Unfortunately more than half marriages end up in separation and finally divorce. Why this happens that half of the people are happy with their marriage and the other half are not?
Some of the marriages are full of violence, emotional trauma and uncontrollable behavior problems. Some of the marriages end due to the incidents which are so small but yet very dramatic. Some of the important reasons of separation are given below which should be an eye opener for the couples who are at the verge of divorce.
1. Couples fail in giving importance to one another.
There can be many reasons when couple stop making each other a priority, may be long hours of stressful jobs, other compulsions like taking care of children and other family members including aging parents. These are some of the reasons why the people are not able to give attention to their spouses.
One has to think that though may have other priorities, but their life partner is equally important in their lives. There has to be a couple time, when both of you can talk to each other, express your feelings, make love and discuss other important things.
There has to be time when you take your spouse out for dating, having fun and enjoy closeness with each other. Such negligence at times compels your spouse to find enjoyment with someone else.
If this happens we call it infidelity without accepting that we ourselves are responsible for all this mess. Let us stop treating our partner as co-parents but much above that all.
2. Negligence of basic marriage necessities.
It is oblivious when the age advances; you are not simply the same what you were when you were young and in your twenties. This is the time when most couple gets married, you have to grow together and not grow apart.
The most successful couples take time every year or once in two years to realign the goals and the commitment. This helps them to define their goals to stay together happily together, if there are any problems, these too are solved through discussions. These are the questions which should be addressed periodically and on regular basis.
3. Couples engage in destructive behaviors.
Couples which have abusive relationships and or other issues of addictions, such marriages will have a bad ending; probably such marriages should not be saved.
Sometimes in most of the cases were the relationship ends, the reasons are quite dramatic and small which become big issues for the couples to apply for the divorce. Common excuses are excessive viewing of TV, pursuing hobbies which are time consuming, not devoting time to children or other family members. These small things become at times so big that makes the couple to grow apart and separate.
4. Couple wait until it is too late to get the professional help.
Most couple waited until they have already reached a point where they have no other option but to separate. They do not seek professional help from a marriage counselor in time. In most of such cases, it is very late and even professional assistant at this stage is of no help.
The traditional marriage counseling focuses on the communication techniques which are an important part of expressing feelings for one another. Seeking counseling at the right time can save most of the marriages.
Unfortunately, celebrity divorces will always make it to the top headlines. Celebrities tend to exhibit unusual behaviors when it comes to marriage and relationships.
The rich and the famous tend to focus more on their wedding details instead of focusing on whether they have a good match or not. Disappointing fact is that, celebrities are not the only ones who make these kinds of mistakes.
Whenever they think of a marriage, most couples focus too much on the honeymoons. They tend to ignore the reality that getting married is not like signing a contract. After all, you are planning to spend the rest of your life with another person, so there should be some maturity shown by both of the partners and it is critical for a successful married life.
Divorced couples learn it the hard way: Because of the fact that divorced couples failed to understand the real challenges in front of them, they had to face it the hard way. You may be able to adjust with a person for days but not for a lifetime. To do that, it requires a lot of character, flexibility, maturity and an open mind.
There should be good communication between the partners. Life is full of challenges and challenges may come in the form of accidents, diseases or job loss. Both partners should be able to share the responsibility, accept the challenges and move forward. Most of the couples fail to do so. If you are divorced and is looking for a better relationship, then you must follow some of the tips discussed below:
1) Know your partner inside out.
Knowing your partner from every perspective is critical for a successful relationship. It is only after a few arguments or nursing your partner through an injury or other challenges, you will find out the real person you are dealing with. If the person you discover makes you uncomfortable, you must show the courage to have a serious conversation about this, before moving on.
2) Don’t wait for your partner to make the move.
This is a common mistake. Don’t expect your partner to solve the issues. If you do that, you are actually setting your partner up for failure. Do what you can do, perhaps with the help of a therapist.
Slowly the wounds will heal and then seek another person who has done the same to partner with you.
3) It has never been about romance.
Married life is much more than becoming great bed-mates. You should always look for a person with common interests, goals, beliefs and values.
People having opposite interests can attract for a short-period, but if you are looking for a sound relationship, you should go for a person with common beliefs and values.
4) Be yourself.
Never ever try to change yourself for your partner. Never try to fake yourself. If you don’t like sports or pets, you should let your partner know it. Don’t pretend to be another person for your partner’s approval.
Tell your partner, what kind of a person you are and what are your likes and dislikes. You should find a person who can love you for the person who you are and it is the only formula for a long-term relationship. Never have a false impression that, money can buy happiness.
5) Relationships are not what you see in movies.
Relationships require a lot of character on your part. You should have the ability to sacrifice and compromise at times. You should respect your partner.
Before marrying someone, you should work with your inner-self and get rid of the demons inside. Take your own time to understand your partner. Relationships won’t work like magic; attention has to be paid to the smallest of details. You should keep all the tips discussed above in your mind, before setting out for a relationship.