Sadly, far too many people are familiar with the feelings associated with being cheated on by their significant other. I too have experienced this situation, and that is why I have written this article that will help you gain necessary insight on the situation.
Welcome to a strategy called “immersion.” This technique will help you focus on a new activity with all your strength, will, and desire. The key to immersion is focusing on something positive – you should not direct your thoughts and activities towards anything that is negative.
Areas to avoid would include alcohol, drugs, and avenues of revenge. Your focus should instead be on studying material that describes how relationships work and how to correct them when they become broken. What often happens when this type of focus occurs, is a realization that the individual learns new things about themselves.
This will prove to be a great enlightenment and will provide assistance in surviving the affair. The most important step is to not allow fear, hatred, and revenge reside in your mind. These can choke out the positive thoughts of recovery from existing within your brain and prevent a healthy recover.
A great source of this type of material is an electronic book describing this subject. A number of books are available with detailed information that can assist you in your road to recovery. These books are readily available online, at your local library, and at a number of bookstores.
Many of the authors are very level headed, and they provide you with just in time information that is easy to understand and implement. I have personally recommended relationship saver e-books to a number of my friends and family members.
I particularly appreciate the books where the author carefully guides you along the road to recovery and helps you identify items about yourself and the relationship that could be improved. These authors are skilled at making the process painless and extremely helpful.
The authors begin the books with a section on helping you restore confidence within yourself. This is crucial in completing the next step of the process that is deciding whether or not you still want the relationship. This will help you see the relationship as it really is and help you to think clearly as you analyze your situation.
Surviving an affair is definitely achievable, but you need to let new information be present within your thoughts. This new information must be studied just as if you were going to be tested on it for a final examination. If you decide that you do still want the relationship, then your significant other will need to agree to grow and be at your side as you survive this affair that has torn the two of you apart.
I want to personally encourage you and let you know that like myself, you too can come out of this affair a stronger person ready to engage in a new relationship or mend the existing relationship. The key is to keep it positive.
Are you experiencing stress and troubles trying to make it through an extramarital affair without losing your mind? There can be no doubt that uncovering an extramarital affair can be among the most hurtful and destructive experiences that one can have.
Let us take a look at the ways to not only make it through this difficult period, but also save your marriage along the way. If you want to make it through this time, you absolutely must be willing to release the emotional hurt that is tied up in the event and the way you frame it in your mind.
Rather than constantly reliving the pain and accusing your spouse for the affair, you need to start thinking about the bigger picture. Examine the motivations or causes that might have lead to your partner cheating; this is a critical step in your personal growth through this process.
You have to be as open minded and objective as you can be here, as this will help you distance yourself from the pain, and decrease the likelihood that anything like this will happen again.
Looking Into The Expertise Of A Professional
If it is plainly just too difficult to move beyond the feelings of hurt and betrayal that you undoubtedly will initially feel, a trained family or marriage therapist may be a good go-to. Marriage therapists have the training to help you piece together your relationship with your spouse and emphasize what really matters – rebuilding trust and connectedness.
You must keep in mind that this will be an ongoing and not an easy progression. It is so easy to get caught up in your feelings when you found out about the affair and discover that you are right back at square one emotionally. It is dangerous, though, to let this process take too long.
Letting the progression become protracted may let the negative emotions have control for too long, dooming your recovery as a couple. It may seem insurmountable at present the notion that you can get back to a healthy and trusting place with your partner. But remind yourself that many couples have successfully survived these types of transgressions.
What It All Boils Down To
What it boils down to, when it comes to making it through this ordeal, is trusting and having faith that your partner can fix whatever went wrong with your help, and that matters between you can be better than before the transgression occurred. You must also believe yourself that you have the power to help fix things and assume some responsibility for the work ahead.
Getting stuck down among all the feelings of hurt and betrayal is the largest danger and threat to making it through this ordeal. You must take the reins and ascend above the negativity, taking back control over your emotional well-being. You must also resist the temptation to act impulsively; impetuousness will only be cause for later grief.
Also remember to take advice from those with whom you are closest with a grain of salt. Though you may trust them, they do not have the complete picture that you do, and may be biased towards a very black-and-white interpretation of the situation in an effort to protect you.
Remember to avoid voicing anything that you will later rue. The adage “haste makes waste” may aptly be applied to this situation: take your time in order to reduce the number of emotional and relational missteps.
Years from now, when you think back to this difficult time through which you are living, you want to be proud of the way that you handled yourself and the situation. You want to feel like you made the proper decisions both for yourself and your spouse, so keep those happier times of the future in mind.
It is one of the most emotionally distressing and upsetting moments for a wife when she discovers that her husband has been disloyal to her and betrayed the marital bond between them. A combination of agony, anguish, envy and frustration overwhelms her and she finds her marriage in shambles.
In such a situation, her initial reaction is a feeling that she would never be able to recover from this humiliation brought about by her husband who has broken all the marriage vows. It looks as if the marriage has slim chances of survival after an affair has been discovered.
The wife appears totally lost unable to decide how she could continue to trust him and carry on with her married life along with such a person. When such an incidence occurs, the wife should first absorb the shock felt after her husband’s dishonesty came into open.
Most of the time, the wife does not want to even think about the affair. She spends a lot of time visualizing the images of what has been happening without her knowledge and what course it might take in the future.
Instead of keeping all the emotions to her and continue to suffer, the wife should talk to her husband frankly and ensure that he confesses everything about the affair It will be very unpleasant for the wife to listen to what the husband wants to reveal about the affair.
Even if it is disgusting to listen to all those details of the affair, it is better the truth comes out from her husband so that dirty pictures of the affair will not flash before her eyes again and again.
In addition, it is better to hear the truth from her husband directly rather than hearing from others as it would cause more agony. After her husband confesses about the affair, the wife should get a firm commitment that he would be faithful to her in future.
A marital relationship centered on deceit will not survive. After listening to her husband, the wife should decide whether she could give her dishonest husband another opportunity or break the marriage. The answer to the question whether marriage can survive an affair will be clear only after the wife has all the facts with her about her husband’s affair.
If the husband realizes his mistakes and wants the wife to give him another chance, he must be told in no uncertain terms that openness is crucial to survival of the marriage. Although it may be embarrassing for the husband to talk about his affair with another woman, his discomfiture is negligible compared to the distress his affair has caused his wife.
The wife must thwart any attempts by her husband to conceal some information about his affair during their discussions. The husband, on his part, should be prepared to give any type of assurances that the wife requires including a commitment that he would not repeat his acts of infidelity should he be given another opportunity.
The wife might get an impression that her husband is not so forthcoming while discussing certain details of his behavior regarding his affair and even justifies his illicit connections. He might even try to apportion the blame on his wife. In such a situation, he must be told explicitly that there is no place for dishonesty in a marital relationship and that his lame excuses will only hamper discussions.
If there no headway in the discussions aimed at surviving an affair, it is advisable to seek the services of a marriage counselor to help her in communicating with her husband forcefully.