There are many women who have suffered due to the cheating of their spouse; you may start comparing yourself with the other affected ladies. Negative thoughts have engulfed your mind and you always think about the following reasons like:
Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter and funny than what I am? Or Am I not looking as beautiful as I was before?
These thoughts are obvious; there are some advices which can help you to stop comparing yourself to the other woman. These thoughts can be quite damaging for your overall personality. You may lose your self-confidence and also your self-esteem.
Here are some tips that will help you to rebuild the trust in yourself and repair your self-esteem after the sad affair of your husband.
1. Keep track of the dialogue in your head.
Since you have come to know about the affair, you are not in your senses, your feelings, thoughts and emotions are so low that you have no control on yourself. You will have to track of your thoughts and recognize this.
2) Knock her right off that pedestal.
Try to understand, had the other woman be so good she would have got a man of her own instead of trying to take yours. The picture of the other woman in your mind could be very great, had it been so many men would have been swarming around her. What was the need to steal a married man?
3) Change the mental image that you have about this other woman.
If you have a beautiful image of the other woman, change this picture in your mind, paint with a ugly wart on her nose and think that she has dirty crooked teeth. If you still think that she is smarter, give her the old dunce hat in the corner image. It might be funnier but it will be quite soothing for you.
Make her picture in your mind as obnoxious and ridiculous. Anything which will help you to make yourself happy, paint her so bad that an ugly picture is in your mind.
4) Raise yourself up onto that pedestal.
It is time when you should pat yourself on the back. List all the qualities you possess in your mind and also on a piece of paper, it helps. Note down the specialty in yourself and feel that you are special, think about the qualities you have and think that you are to superior to her and also better than her.
Once you have reassembled it, read loudly, you must have a strong belief in yourself. Remember that you are better than the other woman. Think it was bad luck for your husband to get entangled with a woman who is much inferior to you in looks, qualities and character.
You will have to learn about to deal with self-deflating negative thoughts and images associated with it. You can learn to be happy following step by step this program and make yourself happy.
Learning how to survive an affair is tough, but not impossible. With the right guidance and the right attitude, it is only a matter of time before you overcome this challenge.
Once you come to know about your partner’s extra marital affairs, your mind starts reeling and wondering about the relationship and its survival. It is painful when such disturbing images of your cheating partner come to your mind and keep you disturbed.
These images are so painful that despite your best efforts, they keep on haunting you. People think with the passage of time these images will fade, that is true but it requires lot of will power and determination at your end.
Is it possible to get rid of these images? Yes it is possible if you use the three step formula below to live your life comfortably. Stop feeding the beast of the affair image. Unfortunately thoughts are something which we cannot touch and see, but effect of such thoughts could be so disastrous that they can ruin us mentally, physically and emotionally.
Whenever you wake up in the morning, such thoughts are first to occur, meaning that entire day will be terrible. An affair is always devastating for the other partner, may be the partner who betrays the trust may enjoy it. You may find it initially very difficult but your determination will help you to conquer the battle.
So, let’s begin with the formula to overcome the negative images in your head.
1) Sort through your emotions.
Your emotions will play truants with you, sometimes mild/weak to strong and sometimes more powerful. You need to rate them from 1 to 10, normally such emotional come in waves and you will easily get rolled into it. These emotions are bound to hurt you, the more you suppress your emotions the more powerful these would be.
Eventually if you do not control these emotions, they will eventually explode like volcano. The best way is to come out of these emotions; you must express it and let it go. Once you have done that you will feel better, despite the fact that your partner has ditched you.
2) Challenge your thinking.
The affair which has given you pain and has caused irreparable damage, you need to manipulate your thoughts. These thoughts are your own thoughts and it is only you who can have complete control on your thoughts.
You need to interrogate your own thinking and look towards the future, it is no fun to brood over the past as you have every right to be happy and enjoy your life thereafter.
3) Change the images.
You cannot forget what has happened in your life; thus the ugly affair images will keep on knocking on your mind and create response which will keep you disturbed. What you can do is change these images into positive ones.
There is always a silver lining, try to find that and live happily. You will have to challenge your thinking, once that is done, these images will go slowly.
As you start thinking positively, you will have a peace of mind. The above mentioned three steps will help you to overcome the effects of your partner’s affair in your mind.
There is no need to think about the person who has cheated you. Surviving an affair is quite painful, but it is not impossible to feel happy again. It does takes a lot of time, dedication and most important of all, patient.
It is quite natural that after discovering about the infidelity of her partner, it is very difficult to have faith in the spouse again. Even the smallest sign of perfidy is sure to make the affected wife to be extra-cautious.
Even if her spouse smiles casually at a waitress in a restaurant or answers a telephone call from a female friend or a colleague at work place, it is bound to cause suspicion in her mind and she can be seen teething with anger making her blood boil. In other words, she is overcome by powerful emotions causing her further distress.
All these examples clearly indicate that the process of restoring the marital relationship after the betrayal of her spouse is very tough. When the person deceived visualizes the images of immoral behavior of her husband and the other person, the feelings of the affected person are unimaginable.
If the sufferer has these feelings and views with suspicion whatever the spouse does and is extra-cautious indicate that the person has to deal with another powerful emotion, jealously. One should consider the questions whether the jealously is good or bad and what is the negative part of jealousy that may come in the way of surviving the marital relationship after an affair.
Envy is a common emotion in humans. Viewed in a positive light, if a person is jealous, it is indicative of some attachment or soft corner for the spouse and manifests because of the lurking fear that she may lose the spouse forever. One feels envious of the spouse’s movements because they may pose serious threat to the relationship.
This sort of reactions will cause irreparable damage to the relationship with the spouse, if they are not regulated properly and the aggrieved person does not understand the reason why it occurs. Sometimes, being envious is good as it indicates that there is a threat to the relationship so that one can take steps to consider various methods to protect the relationship. In this respect, jealously is a catalyst to help continue the relationship despite the episode of an affair.
The best method to reveal the feeling of jealousy is to plainly talk to the spouse about it in a lighter vein emphasizing that she sincerely loves the spouse and value their relationship. There is another type of jealously, which shows up for no apparent reason.
Such envious feelings will have negative effects on the marital relationships, if they are persisted with. In that situation, the aggrieved wife will not be in a position to think objectively and responses to these feelings will provoke her spouse leading to skirmishes, diminishing any chances of saving the relationship after an affair of her husband’s betrayal.
Frequent quarrels of this nature will deteriorate the relationship further and the distance between the couple will widen further, ultimately leading to breakup of the marriage. Although the wife’s anger and feeling jealous are natural and even justified, such negative reactions will nullify any chances of restoring the marital relationship.
Marriage is a sacred bond between couples. Sometimes this relationship is marred by an indiscreet act of the male partner. He should realize his mistakes and both the couples should sit down, discuss and sort out all issues affecting their marriage. A marriage is built upon mutual trust and love. If it is dented, it is important that both the couples should ensure that their marriage survives even after an affair by one of the couples.