If you are in a dilemma whether to stay along with your spouse, or to go separate ways when you found out about an affair, I suggest you read “After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful” by Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring.
She is focusing at first on helping those who are affected by the affair, and then on those who wish to stay together and give family life another try. In fact I am one of the affected and my husband told me the truth.
I approached Dr. Spring’s book; with a notion that the affair of my husband is now history and he really wishes to stay with me and the only hindrance is that my doubt and apprehension. On the same assumption I am suggesting this book to my fellow humans in a similar situation. That is what I can do as a ‘hurt’ partner, and this book will help you to take a right decision.
I am not sure about what help this book will give, for one with an unfaithful spouse. I will ask my husband about the review of this book, when he finishes his reading by next week.
Dr. Spring in this book encourages the spouse, who cheats for soul searching for the reasons to cheat, and to tell the wife the explanations in a detailed and self-centered way. She frowns on an unfaithful spouse who sights others for the reason of infidelity.
She also queries the hurt spouse, whether a conduct or interaction with the unfaithful spouse give reasons for infidelity in the relations. Though she is not blaming the hurt spouse to take the responsibility, suggest that she accept the responsibility of creating an atmosphere, that lead the spouse’s desire to seek out a lover.
I have whizzed past some portions, with assumption that does not apply to me, but I gave a thorough reading to the first half of the book and understood well. In that Dr. Spring hovers on the feelings and emotions of the affected couple after the affair.
I was happy there are other people who are in a same situation. It helped me to know, what my husband might be feeling, which I was too angry to ask myself, but really cared to know about.
The second part of the book, asks you about your assumptions about love and marriage, and in the light of that whether your marriage measure up or fail to that assumptions. Then she gives some difficult questions to ask yourself to help you decide whether stay or let go.
Halfway through the book I was still in a dilemma, to take a decision. So I treaded on, with hope that there will be something in the later half to help me decide. Then the chapter about “how you can begin to learn from the affair and to restore trust” really helped me to decide.
I have skimmed about the part about forgiving and restoring intimacy and to tell about your own affair to spouse.
If you are in look out for help on how to survive an affair, get a copy of “After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful” by Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring from Amazon.com/.
review written by May Yee