When you make the sad discovery that your significant other has been unfaithful to you, all sorts of insecurities can emerge. You may feel that the life you have come to know is now a thing of the past.
You may fear that the relationship may not be able to be healed. And you certainly may dread the possibility of your partner cheating again. It is not out of the realm of possibility that you could experience fears that are unreasonable and even more disturbing.
Some who have realized that their spouse is having an affair have been seized with the obsession that “the world has it out for” them. You may even feel that God had abandoned you. All of these insecurities are entirely to be expected.
The emotional severity of finding your partner is cheating on you may make you fearful that you are no longer standing on terra firma. What exactly do you fear? What is the biggest single possibility that has you shaking in your boots? Why do you find this particular thing so terrifying?
Is it possible that your reaction is influenced by other experiences in your life? How exactly does this fear manifest itself in your physical being? In what ways do you express that fear to your loved one and other people?
Undoubtedly, frustration is one of the emotions you will experience when you become aware of your partner’s cheating. You will probably feel it towards the unfaithful one, the person that they had the affair with, even towards yourself. You may feel as if the whole world is purposefully thwarting your understandable desire for security.
When all is said and done, you have been wronged and your relationship has been compromised by something that was and is beyond acceptance. This sensation of being set back is often exacerbated by the realization that you now have to deal with a new set of tormenting thoughts and emotions.
At times, you may feel as if your frustration is caught in an ever-escalating loop. Stop and consider – what about your current circumstances is so frustrating? Is your present predicament reminiscent of situations in your past? Take a minute to list these in some detail.
What was it about each that frustrated you so strongly? When you experience frustration, where in your body do you primarily feel it? In what ways do you express the emotion?
Sensations that I describe as “paranoid feelings” include suspicion. I am not using the term “paranoid” diagnostically or in a technical way. Paranoid, in this context, is intended to refer to a strong apprehension that some person or agency is perpetrating things meant to do you harm, without your knowing it. It is not hard to imagine that a person who is the victim of an affair would feel this way.
These emotions, however, can do great damage to your peace of mind if you let them. A bit of suspicion, kept in perspective, or a skeptical, but open, attitude, isn’t inevitably detrimental. You have the right to demand that the cheating partner prove to you that they are finished with the affair, and that they will never again engage in one.
Be distrustful enough to make sure they satisfy your petition. If they do not comply, then you can forget about restoring the level of trust you enjoyed prior to this incident. Take a second to recall some of the times you have felt paranoid.
Describe the feeling. What about them, do you suppose, was so overpowering? Are there experiences you have had earlier in your life that relate to the current one? Where do the physical sensations associated with your paranoia manifest in your body and how exactly do they feel? How do you react behavior-wise to them? In what ways do you express the feelings to your partner or to the people around you?
Getting Help From Professional Counselor
Now that you know your husband is cheating on you, what’s next? Trying to survive an affair can be very tough. It is especially hard if you are constantly feeling suspicious and unable to trust your husband again.
Get the self help marriage books by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a professional relationship counselor with more than 35 years of face-to-face couple counseling experience. Restoring the trust you have on your partner after an affair might sound like an empty promise or too good to be true, but it is possible. Let Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s guide show you how. Click on the link below.