The most painful part of being hurt in an affair is taking the person you trust most in the world and downgrading them to the person whom you trust least in the world. A complete trust is developed for your husband when you are involved in a long term, loyal relationship.
You spend lots of time knowing him, supporting him in difficult times and sharing your secrets with him. This gradually builds a strong bond of trust. When an affair takes place the trust which is build is lost in a single stroke. This situation is indeed very difficult to handle.
When trust is lost on the person whom you trusted the most in the world, would shatter your world completely. Few people have difficulty in trusting some other person similarly once their partner has cheated on them.
You might want to trust your husband again in the same way you use to. You might also know that you have to regain this trust if you want to reestablish your relationship. The question is how?
In a relationship, there are five different kinds of trust that exist and if any one of these forms has to be rebuilt then one key concept is necessary. This concept is transparency and is the only step you can take to rebuild your relationship.
Transparency – Essential to Rebuilding Trust
What is transparency? It’s a way to become completely open with your partner. It is like sharing everything with your partner that they should not have any second thought on trusting you. You should be transparent as you can be seen through.
When you share everything with your partner this way then they would know what is inside you and won’t suspect your motive or action because they already know what they are. Your husband should be practicing transparency to regain the trust which he had lost after his affair.
But the person who is effected, meaning you, can also play a vital role in healing the relationship if you also become transparent to your husband. You can help your husband by becoming more transparent if you know how.
The Folly Of Being Suspicious
Feeling suspicious of your husband after his affair is an expected reaction. You should understand that the suspicious feeling in you is not only justified but also a vital step towards recovery.
You have all the authority to be suspicious. After all, your husband has deceived your trust on him. The fact is that you should continue being suspicious until he has proved to you that he will never betray you again. The key here is how you channelize your suspicion.
If you just keep on suspecting your husband and won’t act on them, then it will be intolerable for you. What else you will start begrudging your partner for this intolerable feeling you are going through.
Moreover, if you start accusing your husband of a crime without any evidence then he might become defensive. And he might resent if the accusation is proved wrong. You should use your suspicious feelings to fetch information you need which means using suspicion to bring transparency in your partner.
Getting Help From Professional Counselor
Now that you know your partner is cheating on you, what’s next? Trying to survive an affair can be very tough. It is especially hard if you are constantly feeling suspicious and unable to trust your husband again.
Get the self help marriage books by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a professional relationship counselor with more than 35 years of face-to-face couple counseling experience. Restoring the trust you have on your partner after an affair might sound like an empty promise or too good to be true, but it is possible. Let Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s guide show you how. Click on the link below.